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Stern German Lady: Top Five Valentine Activities For Lovers

Love is in the air. Some say it is the smell of flowers in their first bloom. Others say witches have cast a spell upon the populace. If you feel the bite of the love bug, I have collected a number of activities for you:

  1. Pray

There is something wrong with you. The love for your partner died years ago with your third child. This feeling you are experience is a distraction from Satan to keep you from performing your daily chores. I suggest you start the 14th of February with some good old fashion prayer. Pray for the insight to work on the house and not your marriage; houses last longer than most marriages in today’s society.

  1. Barricade The Doors and Windows

All this emotion is causing people to act possessed. People singing, spending their money on worthless trinkets, no one preparing for the night beast which attack ever mid-February; the beast can smell the love, they find it delicious. I cannot tell you how many times my neighbors were mauled in the night by strange beast because they were too distracted by love to prepare for the unholy assault.

  1. Do NOT Buy Things They Want, Buy What They Need To Survive

Flowers are nice. Not worth anything, truly, but nice. Jewelry is fancy but I would rather have the metal melted down for trading during the hard times of the year. I think the best gift to give anyone this Valentine’s Day would be canned goods and other non-perishable foods. Gifts which are not food are stupid as they do not help with the daily struggle to survive.

american apple pie

  1. Bake A Nice Rhubarb Pie

There is nothing wrong with baking a good tasting Rhubarb Pie. I do it for all occasions and catastrophes.

  1. Hold The Ones You Love

Chances are many will not survive the night. Everyone is being tricked into going out and celebrating recklessly. People will be drunk driving; people will be angry their love was scorned; people will be looking to take advantage of your glee. Now the other dangers: Werewolves that can smell love; vampires tricking young men and women into their lair; Der Grossman taking your children while you are with you partner! You are going to have to protect yourself, and your family, against so many things someone will surely die. Not everyone can survive the night. Just hold the ones you love and wish for the best. The Cherry Red Night comes again.

Für weitere Auskünfte stehe ich Ihnen gerne zur Verfügung,

Stern German Lady

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