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Archive | Stern German Lady Essays

Stern German Lady: Four Winter Traditions That Must Be Stopped Due To Their Connection With Witchcraft

Dear America, I am writing again because these are dark times and the forces of evil are all around us. Prepare. 4 Winter Traditions That Must Be Stopped Due To Their Connection with Witchcraft. Fire and Ice Winter Fest (Lava Hot Springs, ID) February 5-6 February is a time of recovery. The Winter Months’ fury […]

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Stern German Lady: You Have Nothing to be Thankful for

Dear America, You have nothing to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. Soon, everyone in America will be giving thanks (whatever that means) on November 26th in a practice of opulence and greed. Multiple turkeys for individual families. Metric-ton after metric-ton of stuffing. THE Cranberries! You have nothing to be thankful for; in truth, everything you […]

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Stern German Lady – Donald Trump: From Town Idiot to Presidential Candidate? What is going on America?

Say what you will about Donald Trump, I respect what he does: the noise he makes; how he ruffles people’s feathers; his refusal to see the truth staring him in the face. Keeping up with Trump is the most entertainment I get aside from bathing the chickens. I have been watching Trump since 1989. Henrich, […]

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Stern German Lady: How to Cure Yourself of Lycanthropy When You Contract It This Halloween

I will not try and stop you from having fun this Allhollowtide. There is going to be a lot of temptation this year and I know it is hard to stand strong in some situations. Instead of telling you what not to do, I will inform you how I diagnosed and cured myself of Lycanthropy. […]

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Stern German Lady: Time for Another Witch Dunking

I recently accused @BestBuy of being witches. They have not responded toward allegations of dark heresy and as such are guilty or I am proven wrong by their accidental death. Please heed my call to put these spell-binders in the bottom of a river where they belong unless they are not witches in which case […]

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Stern German Lady: Food vs. Magic Beans

Times are tough. You will have to trade the cow for something so make the right choice. The common choice is food. Food feeds the family and useful pets not currently being trading. The other option will typically be Magic Beans. I heard tale of a peasant in England who acquired beans and woke to […]

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Stern German Lady: Food Rationing

My family is constantly trying new methods of rationing food and drink until the next store visit. Famine rides a black horse and can quickly catch up to an ill prepared people. Last year the Hungernmenschens across the street starved to death due to greedy eating methods. In order to prevent future incidents I have […]

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Stern German Lady: Kinder Kare

The world is a brutal place and only the strongest can survive the harsh winter on the horizon. Children are often the first to die, from a number of ways. Wolves, bears, witches, Prussians, Der Grossmann, etc. As a mother of 17 kinder, 10 of whom still live to this day, I am experienced enough […]

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