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The Bible Goes West: The Saloon of Babel and The Rescue of Lot

The Bible Goes West

The Saloon of Babel and the Rescue of Lot

Genesis 6

1 The Family of Noah repopulated the range.

2 And it came to pass, as they rode west, that they found the Great Plains at the feet of the Rockies, and they dwelt there.

4 They said one to another, let’s build us a city with a saloon, whose spirits be pulled from heaven; and let us make us a brand, lest our cattle be scattered across the entire range.

5 The Judge God came down to see the city and the saloon, where the men of the town got drink.

6 And the judge God said, Behold, the people are one, they are united by this spirit; and now nothing will be restrained from them, with imagination.

7 Let us go down, and poison their drink, that they may not understand one another and argue.

8 So the Judge God waited until the dead of night and snuck into the brewing barn of the saloon. With a few drops, God cursed humans to a future of drunken fights and many mistakes.

9 The next night, when work was done, and the sun had set, the people of the town had entered the saloon for a night of relaxing.

With each drink, they lost their tongues. Their joy turned to confusion, then anger. The location of their horse was lost. They wandered, confounded, cursing, as they entered the night.

10 The people went into the night and never found there home.

Eventually they found wood in the wilderness and build wagons. In the wilderness the scattered people also found horses capable of being tamed.

The land was filled with hostile natives, and attacks were plentiful. Still the journey continued in all directions.

Night after Night, Week after Week, Month after month, the men and women walked. They walked until ten settled anew.

Genesis 7

1 Few wagons, ten in all, made it to new lands; the country side, once pure, now littered with the skeletons of those people and wagons which could continue no further.

2 The Wagon of Abraham, was blessed on their journey and survive the winter, hunted by hungry wolves.

3 They survived the bandit pass and journeyed through the waterless desert.  They entered a small valley rich in roots and pack animals. They stopped for a night’s rest from the trail.

4 By dawn’s rose-light, Abraham saw that the land was good. Dark soil for farming, green grass for cattle, a fresh creek for human and beast to quench their thirst.

5 The work was hard but after years of work they settled the land of Cheyenne. His family sat on the porch each night, contemplating the good work they have done. The heifer’s where in the barn, and horses in their stables, and chickens were roosted.

6 For four decades the valley housed the family of Abraham; but on the forty-first year feud begin

7 Ranch hands of Lot, nephew of Abraham, and harvesters of Abraham started to squabble for the needs of the two pressed against the other like a spur in the side.

8 Abraham said to Lot, We are blood. We should not be feuding over land. Why can we not share the valley.

9 Lot replied, The valley is not big enough for the both of us. My cattle need the land for grazing or they shall starve, and their meat  is already sinewy and tough to eat.

10 Abraham said; the wheat they eat makes our bread, the corn and potato thickens our stews, and the sarsaparilla becomes our soda.

11 Lot finished Abraham’s words, And the cow becomes the meat of the meal. My trail boss has found a suitable valley three day’s ride from here. My Family is leaving. We are going to Boudler and should you try to stop us I have six lead arguments for you to hear.

12 Abraham let Lot leave.

13 Months has passed when Abraham heard word of Lot again. A traveling snake oil salesmen came into the valley, bloodied and bruised.

14 Abraham said to the merchant, what has become of you?

15 The Tonic Salesman recounted a tale of robbery and ambush. Of a mountain pass with narrow sides and bullets which fell down.

16 Abraham asked of Lot. The Snake Oilman told of Lot and his family’s capture and their holding not far from Abraham.

17 On word of his nephews capture, Abraham rode the town, gathering the surliest cowboys he could find. All he found have shot, all he found had been shot.

18 Abraham made a posse of 13, 12 riders and himself, and rode into the night. He rode onto the bandit’s camp in the dead of night. Everyone was asleep.

19 Lot, who was tied to a log outside a tent, saw his former riders and signaled as to the location of the sleeping thieves.

20 With knowledge in hand, Abraham moved his riders into position. 13 riders divided 4 guns to three tents. Abraham moved freely between the tents.

21 The posse looked at each other. Abraham signaled the cowboys to draw their guns. With each weapon aimed, Abraham looked to the sky and said, May the good Judge God find us innocent of murder.

22 Their weapons struck like lightning and red water flowed from the tent to form a great puddle of blood.

23 Abraham rode back with the bandit’s spoils but without Lot. Abraham said to Lot, why do you not join me back on the ranch. You can care for the cattle.

24 Lot replied, a man must make his own way. And a man who doesn’t make his own trail is doomed to live a life not his.

25 Without saying goodbye, Lot returned to the town of Boulder.


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