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The Bible Goes West: The Hanging of Isaac; and the Feud of Jacob and Esau

Genesis 13

1 On a dusty afternoon, the Judge God decided to see exactly how loyal Abraham was; and he said, Behold, I have ridden here.

2 The Judge continued, I think your son is a no-good, cheating, thief. I need you to enact the Law of the West upon him. You shall hang him from the highest tree and let your son swing in the wind for the sins he has committed.

3 Abraham Accepted. The next morning the mortal servant of God rose early and took: two of his hands; a long length of rope; his trusty six shooters; and his condemned, sinful, son.

4 They rode for two days, far enough so Sarai could not save her only spawn.

5 Abraham told his hands, Wait here with the horses. The boy and I are going to have a little talk by the hanging tree.

6 He took the rope and the boy and marched up the hill to the tree.

7 Isaac said to his dad, Why we going to the hanging tree without a bandit? Is there a hanging going on right now? I want marzipan!

8 Abraham said, shut up boy! Of course a hanging is going to happen. Why would we be going to the hanging tree if there was not going to be a hanging? The patch of saw-toothed sunflowers?

9 Isaac shut up. He did not want to be beat by Abraham again. They reached the Tree of Hangings and Abraham tied a noose and threw it over the strongest branch.

10 Abraham drew his gun and pointed the barrel at his son. Isaac was shocked and froze in his place.

11 Isaac said, What is going on, pa? Why do you point your weapon at me?

12 Abraham said, I know you are a thief. The Judge told me about your sins and instructed me to punish you.

13 Isaac pleaded with his father, I have no idea what you refer. I have been a good boy, working on the farm and caring for the cattle. I just wanted to see a hanging and eat some marzipan!

14 Abraham forced the young boy into the noose, tears running down Isaac’s faces. A lone crow flew to the tree and sat atop the highest branch; watching the scene below.

15 Abraham placed a chair under his son and tightened the tension on the rope. Isaac’s head forced up because of the pull.

16 Abraham said to Isaac, I am sorry son but the Judge has commanded enact the Justice of the West upon you. For you are a sinner, a cheat, and a thief.

17 Isaac said, Pa! I love you.

18 Abraham fired his gun at the chair striking a leg and causing the platform to tilt. Abraham fired again and hit another leg.

19 Isaac carefully balanced himself between the noose and the chair holding him up. Again, Abraham pointed his weapon at the stand supporting his son.

20 Abraham cocked his gun. As he fired the voice of the Judge God thundered across the sky.

21 The Judge said, Save your son!

22 Isaac’s weight collapsed the damaged chair and the pull on his neck was great.

23 Abraham threw himself under his son and become a new platform to give his son the support to survive.

24 Abraham turned to sun and saw the Judge, riding down from the top of the hill.

25 The Judge said, Abraham I have good news. I was wrong and my riders found the real thief.

26 Abraham, who had almost hung his son, said to the Judge, What!?

27 The Judge God said, It was a case of mistaken identity. The only witness described your son but luckily this man confessed when caught red-handed robbing the general store again.

28 The Judge’s riders brought their prisoner to the hanging tree and put him in the place of Isaac.

29 Abraham was replaced with another stool and he went to his son. Isaac would not have anything to do with Abraham and ran home.

30 Abraham said to the Judge, Good job, Judge. I almost killed my son because you accused the wrong guy.

31 Abraham looked at the thief to see he did not closely resemble Isaac; 2 feet taller, permanent five-o’clock shadow, deep scar or his face with a glass eye.

32 Abraham continued, do not come by me and my kin again and we shall not come by yours. If you do, I’ll have a shot gun waiting for you.

33 Abraham walked away from the Judge. Hoping to make up to his son for almost hanging him when all Isaac wanted was to enjoy a day with his father and eat some marzipan.

Genesis 14

1 Isaac found a woman called Rebecca and he did fancy her very much.

2 Their shared fancy created Esau, and then Jacob.

3 When Isaac was 80 the ownership of his ranch came into question. Esau, born first was the rightful heir but Jacob was jealous.

4 One cattle drive, the weather turned and snow fell heavy in the valley. Jacob had prepared for the worst. Esau had not.

5 During the lowest point of the night freeze, Esau asked his brother, Please help me. I am unprepared for the cold and will die.

6 Jacob knew this was the time to strike and said to his brother, I will help you, for you are my brother, but know that everyman must pay for what he needs.

7 I will help you if you give me your birth right to our pa’s ranch.

8 Esau did not like this contract but knew he would be dead without help. Esau agreed.

9 When they returned Jacob informed Isaac what had transpired. Isaac was angry.

10 He punched Jacob in the face, saying, you take from your own kin on the verge of death!? You are no good and from this point on I shall not give you anything.

11 Jacob left the ranch, his claim to power refused.

12 Before his departing, Jacob met with Esau.

13 Esau, spit at Jacob’s feet upon his arrival.

14 Esau said, What business you got here? You are no brother of mine for you tried to take from me at the door of death. I am glad our father has disowned you.

15 Jacob replied, The Judge will see who the rightful heir of this ranch is. Even with your birthright, just a little accident could refrain you from herding all these cattle.

16 One day you could just fall or your horse and hit your head on a rock. There are so many ways for one to die here in the west.

17 Esau understood his brother’s threat and replied, Next time you speak to me have your hand on your gun for I will be aiming for your heart pig.

18 Get gone. From here we shall be at feud; my clan and yours. Should you try and bring harm to my door, I shall bring it sevenfold to you Homestead.

19 Jacob left and the feud had started. For several years bullets flew from house to house.

20 Jacob and Esau both took wives and had children; each fighting for their family’s honor.


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