Avoiding Autumnal Atrophy: The Best Fall Activities for Continued Survival.
Everyone needs that perfect fall activity to occupy the time between the happiness of summer, and the dreadful howls of the starved winter wolves. The abundance of fun-filled follies in the fall can be overwhelming, so I have created the Essential Autumn Activity list below.
Have Some Fun!
While your neighbors’ fall activities are dragging the hose to the middle of grass and littering the ground with garish plastic for the last slips and slides of summer, I suggest something else which is both extremely fun and useful: Harvesting the crops! You’ll never have as much fun sliding on your stomach as you will kneeling on the ground pulling carrots, turnips, and beets from the soil! The dirt under your nails, the pungent smell of fertilizer, the hot sun bearing down on you…oh my! The thought still makes this old woman hot under the starched collar. And the harvest is but foreplay for the rest of the season’s obligatory consummation!
Get Some New Clothes!
The fun of summer has destroyed most of our clothes. Three months of hard farm work will have left most of your clothes tattered, if you’ve worked as hard as you should. There are many shops in which one may purchase a fall/winter outfit, but know that you will pay for your deadly sloth with your soul. The proper way to acquire fashionable, and functional, clothes is to hunt the wolves who hunt you during the dark months. Not only is the wolf’s fur thick and warm, but ridding yourself of the threat before they become ravenous from winter is an additional benefit. In the late summer the beasts sleep deeply, their bellies full from the sheep of lazy shepherds. Still, only the bravest of townsfolk should attempt to kill the sleeping beast; for when one dies, the rest will wake. Be stealthy and quick. Should you survive, the fur may be fashioned into the most stylish and comfortable garments, and the sight of their brethren’s skin draped around your shoulders should serve as a strong message to the surviving beasts.
Enjoy some comfort food!
Autumn is a time of bounty. However, if the abundance is not both preserved and well-rationed, you will, with some irony, starve to death. Canned goods are a useful tool for this. One can will last an entire winter, and feed at least three children. More, if it’s soup. I recommend spending a few days scouring the stalls of the village market and buying up every dented can of soup you find. You will be able to haggle for mere pennies! Just make sure you heat them up, at hot as possible, for as long as possible. This will handily kill any botulism; I have 9/13 of my children left! One of the best fall activities.
Watch The Leaves change!
The true power of god can be seen in two ways: the destruction of witches, and the changing colors of autumn leaves. Watching the leaves is quieter.
Für weitere Auskünfte stehe ich Ihnen gerne zur Verfügung,
Stern German Lady
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